It's Time for a Nut Free Canada

With the recent de-legalization of marijuna it's time for Canada to transfer its policing resources to eradicate nuts from the face of the earth. Nuts have plagued our great nation for too long and must be destroyed before they destroy us.

Why the sudden urgency to end mankind's enslavement by our peanut masters? 10 years ago I was rushed to the emergency ward due to a unknown reaction. After the results came back it was discovered that I was severely allergic to nuts. That day forth I would never be able to eat another Oh Henry chocolate bar or eat another box of turtles. Which I had quite a bit before that fateful New Year's Eve.

But even more disheartening I would be forced to read the small labels on packaging. It is also troubling to realize how many addictives are added to food. Why does candy usually have ingredients with 20+ letter names. If I can't pronounce it why am I eating it. The nuts companies are draining my time by forcing to read the labels. It also sometimes make me feel like a leper. One time at Dairy Queen I asked if one of the deserts had traces of peanuts in it. They were too lazy to look at the box. So they brought out this massive box and I had to read the ingredients publicly while two idiots giggled in the background.

So what can happen if I am exposed to this deadly toxin? I have to jab a 20cm needle into my thigh very hard. If that's not bad enough I have to hold it in their for 10 seconds for the fluid can drain into my leg. Then there's a vocal minority that says I should have to live in fear from nuts because they enjoy eating cheap food with no nutritional value. These nuts are out of their mind and we must restrict the food that they are permitted to eat.

If the peanut was gone would anybody miss it? Nobody outside of a psychiatric ward is addicted to peanuts. In choclate bars we can put rice crispies to replace the crunch. Peanut butter sandwiches would be replaced by meat. Beer nuts can be replaced by nachos. There is no reason why nuts should continue to be legal. Due to its lack of need in society, if it was criminalized it would not resurface through the underground. Can you imagined organized crime smuggling peanuts from other countries, and people risking their lives by going into dark alleys to buy nuts from their dealers. We are not elephants. We are a more intelligent primate and should pick our food selectively.

I am not alone. People inflicted with nut allergies is increasing. Sadly there is more people being inflicted by this at an earlier age. In playgrounds there are little girls running in fear from people chasing them with peanuts in their hands. This must end and we should put the children's needs ahead of the peanut farmers.

List of Demands

1.This country would destoy all nut products and prohibit nut production.

2. Prohibition of foreign nuts from entering the country.

3. Imprisonment of nut CEO's and co-conspirators.

4. International Sanctions on Nut-producing nations.

5. The hiring of TATU as anti-nut spokepersons. There primary job would be the show why whipped cream is better than peanut butter.

Every valley and hill would be nut free. From the Bay of Funday let Nut Freedom Reign. To the ice of the Montreal Forum let Nut Freedom Reign. To the majestic heights of the CN Tower let Nut Freedom Reign. To the flat, rolling hills of the prairies let Nut Freedom Reign. To the snow-capped rockies of Whistler let Nut Freedom Reign. We will be Nut-Free one day.

Banning of nuts would cause the surge of Canadian patriotism. It would give Canadians something to rally around and define us as a nation.We would be the first nation to be declared nut free. We would a model for other nations. All other nations would be plagued by nut-rule and we would be a haven from peanut insanity. Canada needs to find its niche to discover new issues to lead the world.

There will not be no rest till nuts are eliminated. I have a dream today. That this nation will rise up to the true meeting of its creed. Every person shall have the right to live. I have a dream today. That one day I'll be able to walk into a store and be totally oblivious to the ingredients on a choclate bar. I have a dream today. That one day sons and daughters of people with nut allegies and nut farmers will be able to walk hand and hand in the spirit of brotherhood. Singing in the great negro spirit free at last, free at last, thank God almighty we are nut free at last.

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Updated: April 27, 2008
Created: July 17, 2003 Creations 2003-2011